Where Do You Start?

The number one rule is to take very good care of yourself, rely on your friends, let yourself be angry and cry. You will have emotional ups and downs, you may want to walk away, end the fight. You will need to be able to focus, make important choices affecting your children and the custody determination outcome.

Your Emotional and Mental Preparation

Spend time thinking very seriously about what all of this means to you. Why are you fighting this? For whom are you fighting? What do you want that is more about your anger toward your partner/ex-partner? If the parenting plan meant having to interact more with them, could you do so in a respectful manner, regardless of how they treat you?

What are your concerns about your partner/ex-partner's parenting abilities? How can you present those in a way that does not infer they are somehow less capable (the exception of course is any behavior that is truly harmful or dangerous to your children). When you think about your choices ask yourself, "Will I regret that I did this or if my child asks me about this later would I be able to be truthful?"

Are you prepared to see this through to the end? One strategy may be to wear you out, to resist your wishes until you give up. Also, the more resistant you are to accept their terms, the more intense the attacks may come against you. Are you prepared to spend the money? Therapists, mediators, lawyers, court/filing fees all add up significantly. (Mediator, $2000.00; Evalutor, $1000.00 each of you; Lawyer, $3000.00 retainer to start; House appraisals; final mediation; etc.)

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